I always seems to find a way to scrutinise myself in the mirror, windows, car doors etc of how I look. Eight look at those thighs or those grosse enlarged pores on my face alongside the spots that have emerged.
The weather has been hot so it’s been shorts and dresses, I’m careful choosing what I wear nothing to short, this can end up me changing times several times before I feel good enough to be seen out in public. I don’t think I’m going to be perfect in a sense of my body. What ever perfect is because I’m not sure what that really is anymore. Too thin your shamed too curvy your body shamed, there’s no in between.
Many of the reasons many people turn to eating disorders and suffer from body dysmorphia because we feel we are too ugly, too imperfect. Everyone has body hang ups but this goes way beyond that, it interferes with your life. It’s soul destroying. If I was allowed I would be seeing a dr tomorrow to have the fat sucked from my monstrous thighs, my husband has a different opinion but I wished I felt the same. I would love to be body confident.
I work out 3/4 times a week, a walk 3/4 mikes every single day pushing a double pushchair, I ride Zeus 4 times a week, I then have my house chores and the children on top, I’m far from sedentary and more often I forget to eat lunch because I’m busy doing other things. I like to be busy to keep my mind occupied, being still is not healthy for me at all.
I don’t give myself as much as a hard time as I use too. Therapy helped with that, I still have days where I look in the mirror and I feel disgusting at what I see. Im my own bully.