Struggling

The last couple of days I have been unable to work as my Nanny has been unwell so I’ve been at home with the boys, admittedly I do struggle with this, I like my routines and the fact it’s gone out of the window at the moment has left me out of sorts.

I’m on top of my housework, the washing and all the other mundane chores that a housewife needs to do, it’s difficult with a 2 year old attached to your leg and an emotional 4 year old. I seem to have a mental block of leaving the house and taking them out somewhere, anxiety possibly due to the fact my 2 year old can be a little naughty at times as well as the fact of being judged by other people or have pity.

Being a mummy is very much hard work of course it is rewarding too seeing the boys achieve different things, watching them grow up with their own individual personalities but again it’s hard work. This is going to sound selfish and I’m sure as hell not the only parent to think it but I always wonder what my life would be like with our children, the freedom you get or not paying extra seats when going abroad all those little things. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely adore my boys but they can wear me down. I’m also very lucky to have children as I know many women struggle to conceive and I was one of those women who needed help to conceive my 2nd child.

I feel despondent at the moment I am sure it will pass soon, I just need to readjust. I know how quickly I can fall into depression and I’m struggling to keep above the water at the moment.

Karina

Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery.

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