The Mother that Never was. Part 2

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Another installment to my angry, written piece I did last year.

You weren’t there to protect me, you were too busy being the local bike. It wasn’t just the sexual abuse, he used to grab me by the throat and hold me up against the wall, most likely wanted to kill me no doubt. The physical abuse was just as horrible as the sexual abuse. I would hurry up a bath to escape his rough dirty hands from touching me, sometimes I would be too slow. Made to get on all fours while he fingered me, not daring to move or breathe willing him to stop. Times, where I was going to my arse, whipped with a belt yet you put your hands on me!!!All while my siblings were playing or sleeping. Sick prick. What man gets sexual gratification from touching a child?!

During the night, I use to feel someone touch my body. I would pretend to be asleep, willing for them to go away, I use to think it was a ghost or something. To this day I’m unsure of what it was, but I have no doubt in my mind it was him. One morning he was in bed and he called me to the room, asked me to get in with him. I wasn’t that stupid, running down the stairs as fast I could. Dirty Bastard. But I guess he does some good! We did go on some holidays whether it was Pontins or caravan trip to Rhyl, but where fuck was you? Did we ever cross your mind while you fucking some bloke you most likely met 5 minutes ago?

He met some married women named Annette, another mother dressed like mutton in her short skirt and slag shoes. We knew when she would be around it would bedtime or time to go outside and play while he locked the doors. At least he was screwing her and not playing around with me! Not that stopped him mind! The odd nights I could hear her, I knew then I would be able to sleep in peace.

Another screwed up family member of his I remember is Derek, have no idea who the fuck he was or what relation he was. We all use to sleep at his mother’s house, Daphne her name was. She was okay but made me think what she had done to turn her son into a sadistic man, getting to the point one night this Derek came up and literally laid into my sister for no apparent reason. I laid there fast asleep, daren’t even breathe. He beat her black and blue and no one was able to help her. I can’t remember my age, but I do know I was very young. Hearing her screams made my blood run cold, but there was nothing I could do. Another sick prick within the Ellwood family, they were crawling about everywhere, dirty little cockroaches.

Few years pass in what half I can’t remember, maybe my screwed brain wants to block it out? I mean there is only so much we can take right? Only yet things were going to get worse! One sunny day, we were dumped on the doorstep of your grotty little flat. With just black bags with what belongings we had, he drove off into the sunset. Good riddance to trash.

You opened the door, you hadn’t seen us for years yet you weren’t exactly happy to see us either was you? You had got married (again) and made a little life for yourself with yet another fucking human. It started out okay, but that man soon started showing his true colours. He was pure evil and you let him treat us like a piece of shit.


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Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery.

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