The Mother That never was Part 1.

I wrote a short, angry piece during my treatment for therapy, please note it does have swear words in. Writing it made me feel a lot better, took away some of the anger and the pain i was experiencing. I felt hurt and let down and needed some kind of mental relief. I am now ready to share this with my followers and readers.

 

I guess my life was doomed the moment you pissed on the stick, at the young age of 18. A promiscuous female into the married men, obviously with no morals or respect for the wives who sat at home waiting for the husbands who worked away as lorry drivers. At yet you never changed.

Reminding me one day that I should have been aborted, an unwanted pregnancy, an unwanted bastard child. A man who would never have interest in the bundle of cells that now was a parasite to your womb, who already had made a life for himself. Who the fuck were you trying to kid?? But again at 18, you were a child yourself.

Fast forwarding 9 months when you pushed me out into the world, in which the following years my life would be dominated by pain, abuse and neglect. You selfish bitch. I had a copy of medical records, and something happened to me at 18 months old, just 18 months old you were already being that ‘mother’ who actually didn’t give a shit. I probably will never find out, probably for the best. That will only fuel my anger and hate for you.

In that period of time, you met a fucking pervert. Who I spent many years calling ‘dad’, I will get to this later on. It’s odd the earliest memory I have is when you had given birth to Lawrence, we were living up in Crewe at the time. I also remember times I use to be shut up in a room which had no carpet just shitty floorboards that had seen better days containing an old wooden dolls house, I use to cry at the door wanting to be let out of the shit hole I was locked up into.  By this time you had 3 more kids. You should have shut your fucking legs as you didn’t give a shit about them either. When I first started school, the teacher was an utter bitch, she singled me out and bullied me, wearing me down at that young age the same way that pervert and you was. That teacher was a nasty piece of work and at 5 years old I was terrified to go to school. You never listened, telling me I was lying. Typical of you not to listen, not to take action like any normal mother would. But then again you were far from normal, wasn’t you.

Then one evening, you decided to leave, abandoning all 4 of us. I remember we were asked to choose between you and ‘daddy’, of course, we chose him. But either way, I looked at it life was going to be shit. You were free to the fuck you wanted, count the number of cocks you can polish off without the care in the world for the kids you abandoned.  We hardly saw you. In fact, half the shit is hard to remember, to me that’s not normal. I should be able to remember a good time, like going to the zoo or on holiday as a FAMILY. The family had no meaning to you the same as me and the rest of us unwanted kids. Then ‘daddy’ started touching me in place no fucking grown man should touch a little girl, the very thought makes my skin crawl. He was nothing but a paedophile! But I knew no better at that age, I thought it was normal for ‘daddy’ to touch their daughters in their privates, it meant he loved me. It was our secret. What a dirty, shameful secret

Karina

not every women

Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery.

4 thoughts on “The Mother That never was Part 1.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s