when you have a loved one suffering with a mental health condition you need to be supportive and give them the time they need to get back on their feet. Being inpatient and angry with them will only make the problems worse because the sufferer will start to feel like a burden and even more unworthy.
when I’ve been at my worst, my husband has been amazing. I can also see it was tough on him too, draining for him to see me suffering, not feeling worthy of myself and of him. I wonder what I did to deserve a man like him, in the almost 15 years we have been a couple he has not once made me feel unworthy, he has been very supportive and it’s been him that has encouraged to me seek medical help, even in my denial at the time.
At my worse I was also very difficult. I use to be angry at him for no reason shout and swear at him. All my pain I took out on him. He knew that I never meant it and most of the time I couldn’t remember my outbursts. I would become vacant, staring into space, at nothing. I was becoming numb and emotionless, just anger. Fuelled by the hate I had for my mother and being desperately let down by people who called themselves family.
I don’t think many people would tolerate what Shaun had to tolerate. Thinking back it breaks my heart to know how horrible I have been, he didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve it. I was locked in a battle of irrationalism and hatred for myself. How can anyone love me? The question I asked myself a lot.
Shaun tells me everyday I’m beautiful, that he loves me very much and he is proud of how far I have come. I’m also a great mummy to my boys. I would never let my children down not ever. Everyone in the world should have a little patience.