Frump!

I have scales and since having scales I’ve weight myself daily, sometimes twice the day and get upset when I don’t like what it reads and will go the whole day starving myself. Its shit because it makes me feel shit. I need to lose 7lbs and I’m struggling! I exercise and exercise and then I get hungry and will snack on something. My husband has not been that helpful this week either so I’m stuck not eating all day and he will cook an evening meal. I feel fat, I feel absolutely disgusting.

Today I found myself looking at diet pills, let’s just say I got caught and the husband was not very impressed. Last time I took a whole host of various different pills and ended up in the hospital suffering with seizures and tachycardia, I was very poorly so since then he says no and he will bin them. So I feel stuck, I’m wearing myself down.

I went for a run today and it seems you need a bit more than a banana to get you around a 5k run, i became tired quickly, but I pushed myself through the pain in a bid to get rid of some calories. Im no couch potato, I already walk nearly everyday, horse ride 4/5 times a week, so the odd exercise video and run when I can. Stopping for me is not an option.

I’m not feeling comfortable with myself at all, I see this frumpy person staring back, it makes me feel miserable. I eat pasta I feel guilty, I eat bread I feel guilty. Why can’t I be skinny? Why is it Such hard work?

Karina ❤️

Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery.

7 thoughts on “Frump!”

  1. Karina, you are so beautiful. No, not talking about your pictures. But as a person, you are so so beautiful. I can sense it all the way from here (wherever I am). I understand that you are determined. But why don’t we start with a slow pace? Why don’t you make a small, neat chart and follow accordingly?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s okay. The world is partly made of people who are not so good with charts too. But I think we need to realise what your motive to become skinny is. Have you taken timne to think about that?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t no, I think I look at others who are skinny or have fab bodies and I want it you know? I’ve had 3 boys and my body has changed through each pregnancy and what my body has done is nothing but a miracle but my brain can’t be irrational sometimes especially to what I see of myself when faced in the Mirror.

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      1. Well, this is very common among many women (mums especially). Wanting to be skinny can have various reasons. But what matters is the RIGHT one, for YOU. But really, what is the end result? What do you really wanna achieve by becoming skinny? How does it help you view yourself after achieving that goal? How does that make you feel? How does that change the way your children see you? Above all that, try to figure out, is it really worth it in the end?

        Yes, three pregnancies do have a huge toll on your body. You may look way different from the way you did 5 years back. And that might bother you. But let’s see what you say. You say “skinny OR fab bodies”. Think about who defines what a fab body is? Don’t you already have a body that can do beautiful things like bearing three beautiful boys? A fab body need not be skinny, or flabby, or whatever many see it as. Think about what you are comfy in. And why you want to change what you want to change. Take your time. Just wanna help you.

        Liked by 1 person

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