Stifle

Stifle

Today’s daily prompt is of great meaning, because its a great way to explain anxiety because anxiety does stifle you, you feel like your suffocating under the overhwelming fear of what could happen. You worry, stress and feel overwhelmed all at the same time and you can’t conrol it. It also gives me a belly aches, my stomach and guts hurt its like butterflies but worse and the tummy aches can last a few days. I rememeber going home from school with utter dread because I didn’t know what recepetion I would recieve walking through the door and even then i would have pains that crippled me. I was diagnosed with IBS but this conicides with my anxiety.

Your stomach turns itself over and you feel nauseous, your heart is pounding in your chest, thump thump thump and you try hard to calm it down but in fact it gets worse because your worrying about your racing heart- it stifles you. You tremble and sweat yet in some cases you don’t why you have anxiety. Mine is from meeting new people, i use to get really bad before going to the supermarket on my own with my boys. I never use to go because of this reason the feeling was overpowering. I would think am i being judged? why are they staring at me? I have 3 boys, am I married? one is crying am I a bad mother? I constantly doubt myself and my abilites.

Anxiety is hard work, its exhausting. Your brain is on overload, sometimes there is trigger and no warning and bam it gets you. You criticize yourself and overanalyze everything, insecurity was also a big deal for me. I use to worry about my husband leaving me for somebody who didn’t have my baggage on their shoulders, somebody who had the great childhood.

Body Dysmorphia is classed as an anxiety disorder. Now my issue i become obsessed with how i look and at my worse i will change outfits numerous times but will never get the feeling that I’m good enough to step outside my house. It’s an isolating feeling because you don’t want to leave the house it all comes down the fact that i worry about how people see me, do they see me they way I see myself? with self-loathing? shame of what Ilook like in the mirror? the hideous person looking back at me.In my mind I’m too big’ i see myself as this huge person staring back at me, its disgusting. My biggest areas are my thighs and legs I hate wearing shorts and you will never see me in a mini skirt! my dresses come to the knee or over nothing shorter. Sometimes i will clothes that are baggy to hide my legs. If i could i would have surgery to have the fat sucked from them but I think my husband would have something to say about that. To him I’m perfect to me I’m imperfect.

Karina ❤️

Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery.

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