Trust Issues

I don’t know wether because I was left a bit as a child and not loved that I feared of being left now as well as being hurt so much as a child as well as a teenager. I’ve had so called ‘friends’ who have done nothing but hurt and use me and I was so wanting to be liked that I was blind to it. I was naive and so easily caved into peer pressure, it was hard for me as teenage because quite often I took the punches from bullies which are unprovoked and I had no one to turn to for help.

I stayed clear from boys, being sexually abused it made me weary of them and ended up with nickname ‘frigid’ well I wasn’t going to be like mother and open my legs for some lad, I had some self respect regardless of how other people treated me, in fact my mother though I would turn out like her and was put onto the contraceptive pill at 15 years old. She had me all wrong, she might have been promiscuous but there was no way on earth I would be like that and besides and never really thought I was ‘pretty’ enough for anybody.

When I met Shaun at 17 I was scared of being hurt and even now I can have my insecurities and always need reassurance on everything and always worry that I’m burden on him. Since having therapy I have improved immensely on my trust issues with Shaun. We have been together almost 15 years so if he was going to leave he would have done a long time ago. I was worried he would find someone much better than me with legs up to the sky, long blond hair and the dazzling blue eyes that I don’t posses someone who was absolutely beautiful, in just a boring plain Jane with issues. I still wonder why did he choose me? He knew when he met me I was different, that I had a vulnerability about me that he wanted to care for me.

A message my husband sent to me after reading my blog ❤️he was moved by it.

It’s not just my husband though it’s friends,I just want to be liked you know and I would do anything anybody because that’s the type of person I am, if someone was stuck and needed help I would be the first person to their aid. I’m a loyal person but I worry if people use that to their advantage, how would I know if someone was genuine? I think I will always have some trust issues, I guess I’m protecting myself from being hurt.

It’s funny as a child I don’t really remember my mother having friends, but who would want to be friends with someone who was a selfish, conniving bitch. I certainly wouldn’t want to be. I’m just glad I haven’t turned out like her in fact I’m the opposite. I love my children, my husband is my one and only and i will always put other people first because that’s who I am.

Karina ❤️

Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery.

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