Depression.

How do you explain depression to somebody who has never experienced it? Many people are too frightened to talk about it because of social stigma that is attached to it. We live in a culture where mental health is a fear, it’s why people cannot be open to how they feel when they are suffering.

To me when I am sinking into depression it’s like falling down a deep, dark hole. There is no rope or ladder long enough to pull me up to the light. I feel worthless, a pathetic excuse for human being- that I shouldn’t exist.

Emotions are not there, your numb to everything and anything. You feel you can’t do anything right and your always wrong, your thoughts are running at 100miles an hour and you can’t keep up with the train. You feel exhausted and want to sleep 24/7 yet it’s hard to sleep, it’s hard work to get out of bed, to brush your teeth or even get dressed.

You avoid social situations and make excuses, people think your moody but don’t actually know the real reason the way you may be acting. Your lethargic and any energy you do have is wasted on your self pity and how much of a hated person you are. You can’t be bothered with what’s going on around you and shut off to everything, withdrawing from anybody who has an interest in you- wearing a mask of happiness and smiling but inside your crying.

You feel like your drowning and nobody will save you, inside you scream and scream but nobody can hear you. Your hollow and dead inside. Your own mind torments you, it’s like living in a hell.

paranoia twists your mind, you worry people are talking about you, making fun of you and laughing at you. You feel you should be on your own to suffer it all behind closed doors. You fear being in a public place, your purely existing not living.

Karina ❤️

Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery. View all posts by karinao86