Ah the magical medication that keeps me on a level head, feeling a little more normal and prevent relapses into depression- when I remember to take it that is. My phone randomly sang a little song this morning and I was completely unsure what is was until I picked it up. My husband and set an alarm as a medication reminder, he knew I would forget to set the alarm and also my medication.
Citalopram is one of the best SSRI’s available and so far it’s been the best one for me, believe me I’ve been around the block several times in trying to find an antidepressant that works. The side effects are pretty minimal, i was on 40mg but i was having awful night sweats on that dose so advised to drop to 30mg, it does cause nausea but that’s easy to live with. The dose I’m on seems to be doing the trick. Citalopram has a few good uses in treating mental health issues alongside depression. It’s used to also treat Panic Disorders, Anxiety, Body Dysmorphia, OCD and PDD. It’s a great all rounder. Of course certain medications suit different people, I’ve found it’s been a lot of trial and error with medication to find the right one for me, one that balances me out.
I use to take Sertraline but I found this made me emotionally numb, I felt no feelings or anything and it’s a weird to feel this way, I’ve heard others feel the same way yet others can take it and have no issues. We’re all made the same way but no two bodies are the same. We are all balanced differently even if we’re built internally the same.
The chances are I will be on medication for life, when I’m not on medication unfortunately I slip into a dark hole which is hard to get out of once in. The ladders are never long enough, I build up these walls and push everybody around me away because to me that’s easy. It’s easy to isolate myself and it’s also very easy to pretend your okay. The mask I have is a great disguise for pretending to be okay- except my husband. To him I’m an open book and he knows when something is wrong even if I tell him a 100 times I’m fine he knows full well I’m not, Shaun is the only person I can’t hide from.