Many people think our paths are made for us from the moment we are born, created by god and have our destiny written for us, I don’t think this is true as God wouldn’t put me in harms way.
If I was to write a letter to myself when I was younger then this is what I would write:
Everything will be okay, this isn’t going to be forever. The physical pain will ease and the emotional pain will heal with time, you will find happiness one day. These people who hurt and abuse you will one day fade from your memory, the trauma may not but that’s okay- this can be fixed. You are worthy, ignore the nasty jibes and comments you are not useless or pathetic. You are a strong individual with fight inside you-never give up.
There maybe no one here who will give you hug and tell you you are loved or they are proud of you but one day there will be. Someone one day will find your worth to be cared for and loved, you will grow into a successful, beautiful woman with a family of your own, but the journey will be hard and many battles will be faced, but you will overcome them. Please don’t give up on yourself, one day life will get better, easier even.
One day you will wake up without fear of whats going to happen, you may have anxiety but that’s okay, this can be controlled. You will be scared at times too, and many suicidal thoughts will suck up your energy but there will be someone there to hold you to help ease away the pain. You will have times your brain will run as fast as the euro-star with awful memories invading your thought space but with time this will ease too.
School is tough right now, you are bullied and picked on because your an easy target moving from Cheshire to Norfolk and finding it hard to fit in but you will make friends. School is better than home life right now so hold on to that. What the bullies say are nothing to what your experiencing at home. In time you will see them as silly children who probably have their own insecurities. You will try to take your own life at 12 years old, but you will recover. You have too much fight in you and you have been through so much already, you can’t give up. I know your not wanted by anybody right now but this will change when your older. Again you will try your life when your 15 and 16 both being unsuccessful and you will be all alone in the world and abandoned, nobody will visit you in hospital and wipe away your tear, please remember it won’t be forever, it might seem like it now because your living in hell. There will be knight in shining Armour. You’ve got this Karina, you are worthy and one day you will be safe and I promise yourself you will never be like your mother. Chin up little lady.