The Girl in the mirror

Yup me, except it’s a distorted perception of what I see. A girl who doesn’t fit into anything or anywhere with a poor body image. How I see myself is very different to how people see me, I feel those people who tell me I’m ‘perfect’ or ‘beautiful just the way you are’ are only telling me what I want to hear you know?

Therapy is teaching me to see it differently, but growing as a child, I was purely existing with no one to love me so how can I love myself as a person? Something I’m trying to figure out and I’m getting better at each day. That’s body dysmorphia for you, it affects your way of thinking and how you think you look.

I pick at every part of me wether it’s in a mirror, car door the window of a shopping store I will find a way to criticise my reflection and inflict the self hate thoughts of disgust of what I see.

I see myself as much more bigger person than people see me, especially my thighs which is a major issue for me. I hate wearing short skirts, dresses or shorts as to me this just highlights the body area I hate the most. Of course we all have our flaws but this goes beyond that. You worry about it day in day out, you worry what people think of you, you worry what you look like constantly in that particular outfit and will look at yourself so many times a day. I’ve even known to change my clothes so many times and will even not bother going out because the way it makes me feel.But there is a light at the tunnel…..positivity and talking helps, and maybe one day I might like myself a teeny weeny bit.Karina ❤️

Author: karinao86

Mother of 3 boys, wife to one man and lover of horses. Mental health sufferer in recovery.

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